Overview
Everyone gets angry from time to time. Anger and arguments are normal parts of healthy relationships. But anger that leads to threatening, hitting, or hurting someone is not normal or healthy. It's a form of abuse. Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse is not okay in any relationship. When it occurs between spouses or partners or in a dating relationship, it is called intimate partner violence. This is a type of domestic abuse.
Domestic abuse is also called domestic violence. It isn't the same as having an argument now and then. It is a pattern of abuse that one person may use to control another.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone, at any age. It doesn't matter what race, religion, or gender people are, what their level of education is, or how much money they make. It's a common problem in the United States.
Signs of abuse
Does someone in your life:
- Embarrass you with put-downs?
- Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
- Control what you do, who you see or talk to, or where you go?
- Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
- Take your money or paychecks, make you ask for money, or refuse to give you money?
- Make all of the decisions?
- Tell you that you're a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
- Prevent you from working or going to school?
- Act like the abuse is no big deal or is your fault, or even deny doing it?
- Destroy your property or threaten to hurt or kill your pets?
- Intimidate you with guns, knives, or other weapons?
- Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
- Threaten to kill themself?
- Threaten to kill you?
- Prevent you from using birth control or from protecting yourself from sexually transmitted infections (STIs)/HIV?
If any of these things are happening, you need to get help. It's important to know that you are not alone and the abuse isn't your fault. There is no excuse for domestic abuse or violence. There are resources available that can help keep you safe.
Domestic abuse and your health
Living in an abusive relationship can cause long-term health problems. These include:
- Physical problems, such as migraine headaches; arthritis; or long-term neck, back, belly, or pelvic pain.
- Mental health conditions, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and substance use disorder.
People who are sexually abused by their partners have a higher chance of having sexually transmitted infections, unplanned pregnancy, and other problems.
Abuse can happen more often and get worse during pregnancy. People who are abused are more likely to have problems such as low weight gain, anemia, infections, and bleeding during pregnancy. Abuse during this time may increase the baby's risk of low birth weight, premature birth, or death.
How to get help
Abusers often blame the victim for the abuse. They may say "you made me do it." This is not true. People are responsible for their own actions. They may say they're sorry and tell you it will never happen again, even though it already has.
If you are in an abusive relationship, ask for help. This may be hard, but know that you aren't alone. Ask family and friends for help and support. Your doctor, a counselor, your employer, or a faith leader can help you connect with resources for people experiencing abuse. National hotlines can also help you find resources in your area.